Dilemmas…Dilemmas

2 screams

2 screams (Photo credit: jah~)

“We write every day, we fight every day, we think and scheme and dream a little dream every day. Manuscripts pile up in the kitchen sink, run-on sentences dangle around our necks. we plant purple prose in our gardens and snip the adverbs only to thread them in our hair. We write with no guarantees, no certainties, no promises of what might come and we do it anyway. This is who we are.”
~ Tahereh Mafi

 

My hand holds my pen and my mind is almost full to bursting with these ideas, but my muscles won’t work to make my pen form words, let alone coherent sentences.  Does this happen to all fledgling writers out there?  The irrational fear of being successful in something that I love doing – it just seems too good to be true.  Can this really happen??  You would think that these feelings would have more weight in the creation of my book; however, it is just hitting home now while working on these short stories to submit for the writing contests.

Someone very close to me said that it is just another form of stage fright, only instead of walking onto the stage to make a speech (which from my first post you know I have a phobia of speaking in front of any type of group) I am walking into the unknown – I don’t know if my writing will succeed or do a belly flop into the pool of literature.  However, I know that in the end of this irrational fear/way of thinking I will submit these stories just so I can say that I tried, and hopefully that I succeeded. Regardless, I know that if these writings make it or not, I will continue to write – I will not quit.   The more I write, the better I become, right??

Added Projects

"Writing", 22 November 2008

“Writing”, 22 November 2008 (Photo credit: ed_needs_a_bicycle)

“You fail only if you stop writing.”~Ray Bradbury

As of yesterday, I took on another project other than my book, in attempt to broaden my non-existent portfolio for writing.  Well, if the truth be told, I took on two projects. The first project consisted of only a single sentence to begin the story of a picture.  “This looks simple enough,” says I; however, after 3 hours of perfecting the sentence I felt like a little child on Christmas morning when I hit the send button to submit my entry into the contest.  During those 3 hours, I had determined that my problem with getting my ideas down on paper is my brain goes 100 mph and my little fingers can only type 63 wpm – I wonder if they are on the cusp of developing those robotic hands that can keep up with my thoughts yet?

The second project  consists of a short story.  Oh but of course, I couldn’t keep this one easy either.  I had 9 ideas of different short stories, but knowing I would never get all of them written in time to submit them, I have narrowed my options to 4 short stories.  Each one will be written, then I will choose which one I like of them and submit that one. If my excitement over these contests were tangible, I am quite sure anyone who walked near me would be thrown across the room.  Have no fear though, I am still working on the book, and it is coming along just wonderfully!!

My wonderful son is just as patient with his mother as ever.  But I find the fact that now I am working on other projects, instead of not having more time to spend with my son – it is the very opposite! I have more time to spend with him, I don’t know if it is simply because I am splitting my energy into two projects and not focusing on just one, or what…but it is working in both of our favors. I am happy to say that there is more laughter and giggles in the house now, and how I love the sound of both!!

So, now I leave you with some insight that had me searching out different projects in the first place. Instead of quitting what you love to do most, add to it so you can truly know if this is what you wish to do for the rest of your life.  It could go one of two ways: 1. You dig in and you fall in love with it all over again and new inspiration comes your way, or 2. It becomes too stressful – and with that stress comes the knowledge that this just might not be the thing for you at this point of your life. Don’t quit – just postpone. 😉

Insomnia – A Writer’s Closest Friend

Writing

Writing (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“It begins with a character, usually, and once he stands up on his feet and begins to move, all I can do is trot along behind him with a paper and pencil trying to keep up long enough to put down what he says and does.”

~ William Faulkner

I know I have not posted much lately…I have been so consumed by life.  My life as a writer and my life as a mother.

More recently, I have taken it upon myself to reread the chapters in which I have already completed, looking for holes or ways to make everything flow better – and like most writers, of course I find a whole new twist that had been staring at me in the face but I was so determined to get everything on paper I had ignored it.  I know – for shame.  So now I am adding and revamping, but keeping what I originally had, just making it….MORE.  However, I came to the issue in which I decided to break the original “rules” for writing.  Instead of the main character being introduced in the beginning…a secondary character is, but don’t worry the main character is still found in the first chapter.  (I didn’t want to push my luck too much!!)

I now sleep with a notebook and pen nearby on the nightstand…just in case I think of something dynamic that just must be added to my evolving story line.  However, it never fails, as many of you other writers may know, that the best ideas come when you are just laying down and you are ready to close your eyes to go to sleep.  Then once you write them down, you feel as if you need to expand on it so that when you wake up in the morning, it doesn’t look like some random gibberish that you can’t read let alone understand.  (Believe me, it’s happened to me…I was not a happy camper those days.)  Then once you are done writing and expanding on your ideas, you realize that the night is halfway over and dawn will be coming in an hour or so.  (I have found that the writers closest friend during the wee hours in the morning is insomnia.)

My son has been a very patient little one with his mommy; finding things to entertain himself while mommy is sitting and writing, but knowing the moment mommy’s red pen is put down or computer is shut down that it is time to play!! Such precious moments in which I would not trade for anything.  The look on my son’s face when I put my laptop up for a break, running towards me so I can catch him up and have a tickle fight.  My writing is important to me, but I know that these moments are one of a kind and I refuse to miss any of them.  He’s not going to be this age forever, and one day he will drift away from mommy and more towards friends.  Until that time though…I will always have time for him, no matter the time of day, nor what sentence I am in the middle of…Carpe Deim!!

Before…and…After

“Right now I want a word that describes the feeling that you get–a cold sick feeling, deep down inside–when you know something is happening that will change you, and you don’t want it to, but you can’t stop it. And you know, for the first time, for the very first time, that there will now be a before and an after, a was and a will be. And that you will never again quite be the same person you were.”

~Jennifer Donnelly

Today I leave you with this quote. Regardless of what you are going through know that there will always be a before and after – a was and a will be. Make the after stronger and more resilient. Learn from the before and seize the day to make the after all you every dreamed it could be. YOU alone have this power – no one else.

I also believe that this quote fits well in memorandum of this day 11 years ago, here in America – as well as the aftermath and the people who are still out there fighting for us. We became a before and an after September 11th. A country that was and a country that will be. I have watched as we have slowly lapsed back into the before, but then I gain hope when I see people grab the after by the horns and seize the day.

So I encourage you, whether American or not, whether you are going through something or not…sieze the day. Become a better version of yourself. Remember changes can come in the form of groups or just a single person. Most importantly though, do not think change can only come with sadness and loss – each day is new and full of possibilities! CARPE DIEM.

One Step Forward…Three Back

You are a beautiful creation... perfectly impe...

(Photo credit: deeplifequotes)

“When you do what you love, the seemingly impossible becomes simply challenging, the laborious becomes purposeful resistance, the difficult loses its edge and is trampled by your progress.”

~ Steve Maraboli

Have you ever felt like no matter what you did that you end up taking 3 steps back instead of a single step forward? Yep, that’s how it is over here these days. Mind you, not with my book, with everything else. The only two constants in my life these days are my wonderful son (who never ceases to make me smile…or cry some days!!) and the other world that I have created in my book.

I am anxious for everything to start falling into place, but it seems to enjoy taking it’s time and torturing me by just staying out of my reach. (Almost there, just a little bit more…make a grab and come up short, again). I know one day though, it’ll all makes itself reachable, because I am doing the two things I enjoy the most. 1. Raising my son, and 2. Writing. So I will push on and be the best mommy to the best son ever and I will continue to make my characters live and breathe through my writing.

Before I leave y’all for now, I want to apologize for the whining quality of this post. It wasn’t my intention in the beginning, but somehow it has become my result. But no matter what, Dum Spiro Spero!!!

Don’t Ever Give Up…

Once again, I must leave you with a quote instead of my usual post. I first saw this one in one of my classes in High School, and it has stayed with me since then. I hope you enjoy it as I have enjoyed it throughout all these years!

English: Theodore Roosevelt, circa 1902

English: Theodore Roosevelt, circa 1902 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”
~Theodore Roosevelt, Man in the Arena, April 23, 1910

Update: Character vs. Writer

“If you are destined to become a writer, you can’t help it. If you can help it, you aren’t destined to become a writer. The frustrations and disappointments, not even to mention the unspeakable loneliness, are too unbearable for anyone who doesn’t have a deep sense of being unable to avoid writing.”

~Donald Harington

I just wanted to give you a bit of an update, although it is coming a bit later than I had intended. Cian…the character in which I was deciding in whether or not he should live…has been granted his life. I have discovered that he has NOT overextended his stay in my mind, but indeed has much more to do in the coming story. My characters have also agreed with this decision, after I informed them what I had in store for him. So…on with creating and learning more about my wonderful friends; Chloe, Sylvia, Cian, and Kael. I wonder what they will be up to today?